This is why I should never EVER stop writing: because every time I do, I get so emotionally stressed out that I become bitter and unpersonable, which only worsens my situation. I feel like a human rubber band, stretched in as many directions as inches of snow on the ground in Boone, and the cold makes the stretching harder. However, the thing is, no one else is stretching me. I’m stretching MYSELF, because I want to be in every place at once. I want to hang out with the cute boy in my building, go to lunch with 3 different people separately, talk to the RUF pastor, call my parents, have my resume reviewed, finish organizing my new room, do all of my homework, AND watch Jack Bauer kick butt, all in one day. (yes, that was my day today.) Let me tell you, it is TIRING.
When you’re emotionally entwined in thirty thousand different situations, this “doing everything” connundrum even more difficult, because you’re not fully “there” when you’re there, ya dig? So then you leave that event/meeting/class/situation displeased, because you know that you didn’t get as much out of it as you should have. And you know it’s your own fault, tripling the difficulty! ARGH. (Then you turn into a pirate, buy a pegleg, an eyepatch and a parrot, and things just go downhill from there.)
I need an escape. Charleston was supposed to be that, but when you’re constantly surrounded by people with their loved ones on Valentine’s Day, it makes those “emotional entwinings” inescapable. Bet that one’s a bit less ambiguous now, eh? I’ve thought about going somewhere alone, but I’m never truly happy when I’m alone, and the one person who I thought I would always be able to escape with like we have in the past has found herself a fella. And don’t get me wrong, I’m super happy for them. They are more compatible than any other two people I know. But escaping “emotional entwinings” is impossible when she’s talking to her fella the entire time she’s with me.
Maybe I should just seclude myself and submerge my life in academics, becoming a hermit and shoveling knowledge into my mind one mathematical theory or piece of literature at a time. But then I again would encounter the problem of solitude.
ARGH. Pirate doesn’t sound so bad anymore. Captain Snakes on a Plane (if you don’t know, then don’t ask.) Too bad a captain is no good without a trusty first mate. Argh?
